Category Archives: Cooking

Hawaiian Piggy

I’m working on a new post, I promise. In the mean time, I give you my most ridiculously rich recipe to date. I have yet to serve this to someone who hasn’t told me it was one of the best meals of their life.  Enjoy.

Hardigan Hawaiian Piggy:

Sweet, succulent slow boil-roasted pork and vegetables, topped with coconut-banana gravy. Served with Sweet Mushroom Soup and Whiskey Sweet Flat Bread with Sweet Potato-Mango dip.


Additional Warning: This is a dish you only make if you want a MEAL. As in an “I am so satisfied , I couldn’t fit anything else in my stomach if I used a compressor.” Not a “that was nice, but I’ll be hungry again in two hours.” This recipe is VERY complicated, and takes a VERY LONG TIME, so it is not for the faint-of-heart. You will also need a good size kitchen or a lot of patience. This is not the type of meal you make for lunch on a whim. This is the kind of meal you take ALL DAY to make. In the best of circumstances this dish will take you at least six hours to make. Ideally it will take you a total of 14 hours.

I guarantee you that this will be one of the richest meals you will ever eat in your life. I have served this meal to five friends and every single one had the same initial reaction: “Holy Crap, This is amazing!”

This meal is very sweet, without being too sweet, with just enough salty after taste to make you enjoy every bite. The pork is extremely sweet and succulent, and with the banana gravy and potato dip, it is dinner and dessert in one.

To go along with this meal, I highly recommend a nice light drink, such as mate tea, kombucha or some nice, hot, green tea. Hot Sake would also go fantastically with this meal.


Measuring Spoons

Measuring Cups

Soup Ladle

Wooden Mixing Spoon

Mixing Whisk

Food Processor


Large Mixing Bowl (2)

Small Mixing Bowl (2)

Large Soup Pot

Medium Sauce Pan

Medium “Tub Style” Oven Roasting Pan

Meat Knife

Vegetable Knife

Large Frying pan

Medium Frying pan

Large griddle (large frying pan will work if you don’t have this)


Pork Loin Roast, About 4-6 Pounds

For this recipe, pork loin will work best, but you can use shoulder or bottom round if you prefer that. It will not have the same effect, but will be equally delicious. Just as with all meat, prices fluctuate, so if you are the price-sensitive cook, you can just go with whichever of the three is the cheapest at the time. Since it has a much more robust flavor, it is HIGHLY recommended that you go with wild hog/boar if you can get it. This dish is ALL about flavors, so something like wild hog or boar that has a beautiful, robust flavor will only make it better.

Two Full Mangos, not overly ripe, diced

If you don’t know how to choose mangos: A ripe mango should yield to gentle pressure, but not have any spots or blemishes. It shouldn’t be too green.

Two, large sweet onions, chopped

Only use sweet onions. Vidalia, Texas 1015, Walla Walla, Oso Sweets, or Maui Sweets. These are the only types. Do not use ANY other type of onions other than one of these five types. Additionally, use two of the same onions. Do not, for example, use one Vidalia and one Walla Walla. If possible, Maui Sweets are the best for this dish, followed by Oso Sweets. Vidalias follow that and are in the same category as Walla Walla, but Walla Walla will cost more. Only use the Texas 1015 if you have no access to the others. Imperial Sweets CAN work, but only if you have nothing else as they aren’t sweet enough. Bermuda sweets can work as well, but as with the Imperial Sweets, only use if you have nothing else.

Two, Large Carrots, sliced

If you cannot get large carrots, use four medium carrots. Don’t use baby carrots.

1/2 Cup Brown Sugar

BROWN SUGAR. Not Turbinado sugar, not cane sugar, not confectionery sugar. BROWN. FUCKING. SUGAR.

Two Fresh Large Lemons, juiced

If you’re lazy, you can buy a bottle of lemon juice and measure out 1/2 cup.

Two Fresh Large Limes, juiced

If you’re still lazy, you can buy a bottle lime juice and measure out 1/2 cup

1 1/2 Stick of Butter, melted

Don’t use margarine or any butter substitute, unless you’re lactose intolerant, in which case use the CLOSEST thing you can get to butter. Soy butter, goat butter, sheep butter, whatever. Just don’t use margarine.

3 Cups chopped pineapple

1/4 Teaspoon Dill

Yes, Dill. No, I’m not kidding.

1/4 teaspoon Nutmeg

No, I’m not kidding on this one, either.

1/4 teaspoon Rosemary

Guess what? Yup, still not kidding.

16 ounces Coconut milk

DO NOT USE LOW FAT COCONUT MILK. Make sure the coconut milk you get is full, pure, coconut milk. Do not get reduced fat or low fat coconut milk. If possible, get fresh coconut milk rather than canned. Only get canned if: A. It is natural and B. You have no other options. If you can, get your own coconuts and make your own coconut milk. If you think that coconut milk is the liquid you find inside the coconut, just buy the damn milk because you’ll fuck this up. I warn you again to not use low fat coconut milk. If you do, it will be like using cardboard as flour for a cake. This isn’t a low fat dish, don’t try to make it one. IMPORTANT: Cream of Coconut IS NOT Coconut milk. Get regular, unsweetened, coconut milk.



Two Large Portabello Mushrooms, sliced thinly

1 Cup Crimini Mushrooms, sliced

If you can’t find Crimini, you can substitute regular white mushrooms

1 Cup Shitake Mushrooms, sliced thinly

Two leeks, chopped

1/2 Brown Sugar

1/4 teaspoon Dill

1/4 Nutmeg

1/4 Rosemary

1/2 Teaspoon Salt



Four ripe bananas, sliced medium-thick

As ripe as you can get without getting black spots. A good rule of thumb is to buy them when they are green, put them in a brown paper bag and let them sit in room temperature for two days. You want them soft and sweet, but not mushy. Yellow: Good. Yellow with spots: Not good. One or two spots is okay, but stay away from ones that anything more than a couple small spots.

16 ounces Coconut Milk

1 Stick of Butter, melted

1/2 Cup Brown Sugar



2 Cups All purpose flour, Sifted

If you use whole-wheat flour I will find where you live, and personally come and kill you for your atrocious crime committed against cooking. In fact if you use whole-wheat flour when cooking anything but bread I will come and kill you for your crime against cooking. The next person to try and cook a cake or pie or fucking pancakes/waffles with whole-wheat flour will die. And don’t get me fucking started on muffins. Seriously, people. Whole-wheat flour is sandwich bread flour. You do not use it in baking.

1/4 Teaspoon Salt

2/3 cup Cream

You can use milk if you want the bread to be lighter, or if you don’t like cream. Milk substitutes or even water will work fine if you are lactose intolerant.

7 Tablespoons Irish Whiskey (roughly about 2.5 shots)

The way this bread is made, not all the alcohol is cooked out, so if you don’t drink, don’t want to serve this to kids (you prude), then you can take this out of the recipe, the breads will function fine without it. If having this bread for a breakfast treat, feel free to use Irish Cream instead of whiskey.

1/4 Cup Brown Sugar



One Full Mango, Very Ripe, peeled, diced and pureed

You can use a blender to puree the mango and sweet potato, but a food processor works best.

One Large Sweet Potato, cooked, chopped and pureed

1/2 cup chopped pineapple

1/2 Cup Brown Sugar Water, Cooled

I go over how to make this below.

2 Tablespoons Butter, melted



  1. In a small mixing bowl, combine brown sugar, dill, rosemary and nutmeg.
  2. Take the pork loin, take a fork and stab the meat all over until it is covered in fork wounds.
  3. Take a small handful of the brown sugar mixture and rub the pork with it.
  4. Put the pork in a large zip-lock bag after rubbing the rest of the brown sugar on it. Put the brown sugar mixture in with it
  5. Leave the pork in the bag in the refrigerator overnight (8 hours).
  6. Remove the pork from the bag and pour the brown sugar mixture into a small mixing bowl. Set the pork aside.
  7. In a large mixing bowl, combine 16 ounces of coconut milk with the brown sugar mixture, Whisk until smooth.
  8. Add 1/4 cup lime juice and 1/4 cup lemon juice to the coconut milk and whisk until smooth. Put in the refrigerator.
  9. In the medium frying pan, heat 3 tablespoons of butter. Add the onions and fry until glazed.
  10. In the soup pot, heat 2 tablespoons oil. Add the pork and brown it. Add 6 cups of hot water, the carrots, leeks and then the glazed onions. Cover, and simmer for 20 minutes.
  11. Remove the pork, the onions and carrots from the water. Place the pork in the greased oven roasting pan along with those onions and carrots.
  12. Add the pineapple and mango.
  13. Remove the coconut milk mixture from the refrigerator and add the rest of the melted butter to it. Whisk until smooth and add to the roasting pan along with 1 cup of the water from the soup pot.
  14. Pre-heat the oven for 475 degrees.
  15. Place the roasting pan with the pork in the over and cover.
  16. Cook pork for 20 minutes and reduce heat to 325 degrees.
  17. Cook pork for 1 hour and reduce heat to 250.
  18. Cook pork for 1 hour. Remove 1 cup of the liquid from the pan and set aside.
  19. Reduce heat to 200 and cook for 2 more hours.

NOTE: Make sure to continually baste the pork in the cooking liquid as it roasts.


  1. After placing the pork in the oven, bring the water in the soup pot back to a boil. Add the rest of the dill, nutmeg and rosemary. Boil for one minute.
  2. Add brown sugar, and cook for 2 minutes, stirring until sugar is completely dissolved.
  3. Add all mushrooms.
  4. Cook on medium-low for 20 minutes, stirring every once in a while.
  5. Sit in 1/2 teaspoon of salt.
  6. Simmer for 20 minutes.


  1. Combine the coconut milk and melted butter. Whisk until smooth.
  2. Add 1/4 cup of lemon juice and 1/4 of lime juice. Whisk until smooth.
  3. Add brown sugar. Whisk until smooth.
  4. Pour mixture into sauce pan. Add liquid you took from the roast pan.
  5. Heat on medium heat until hot, stirring constantly.
  6. Turn down to low.
  7. In the large frying pan, fry the banana slices, making sure to give them all enough room in order to not under-cook or over-cook any of them.
  8. Add the cooked bananas to the coconut milk mixture in the sauce pan.
  9. Gently mix with the wooden spoon until smooth, taking care not to mush the banana.
  10. Let simmer for 5 minutes, stirring constantly.
  11. Turn off stove and allow mixture to cool, stirring every once in a while to keep it smooth.


  1. In a large bowl, combine: flour, cream, salt and whiskey. Combine into a soft dough.
  2. Turn dough out onto lightly-floured surface and knead briefly.
  3. Divide dough into golf-ball size pieces and cover with a damp cloth.
  4. Take a ball of dough and roll out until very thin, but not tearing. Sprinly lightly and evenly with sugar.
  5. Fold dough into a small square and roll out until thin once more.
  6. Repeat steps 4 and 5 with all the rest of the dough balls.
  7. Heat the lightly-oiled griddle over medium heat.
  8. Place the rolled dough onto the pan and cook for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes each side until golden.
  9. Repeat step 8 with the rest of the dough balls. Serve immediately.


  1. Combine the mango puree, potato puree and melted butter. Mix until smooth.
  2. Add the brown sugar water. Mix until smooth.
  3. Add the pineapple. Mix until smooth, taking care not to mush the pineapple.


  1. In a small sauce pan, heat 1/2 cup water. Bring to a boil and add 1/2 cup brown sugar.
  2. Turn down the heat and mix quickly. Do not stop mixing until the sugar is completely dissolved.
  3. Down off burner and whisk until smooth. Take off stove and let cool.


ORDER: Serve the bread with the dip first, the soup second and the pork with the gravy last.


—Slice one of the flat-breads into quarters and place upon a small plate. Put a large dollop of the sweet potato dip in the center.


—Take a small soup bowl and fill with a generous helping of sweet mushroom soup, taking care to get an even balance of broth and vegetables.


–Remove the pork from the oven and remove from the pan, placing on a cutting place. Slice the pork thinly and gently. Be patient as it will fall apart.

–Place a generous helping of pork into large bowl. Add vegetables and fruits. from roasting pan, taking care to add just a little juice from the pan as well.

–Top Pork with a generous helping of coconut-banana gravy. Put enough gravy to cover the pork, but not enough to bathe it.

–The perfect way to eat this, is to mix everything together with your fork, and enjoy.