Tag Archives: Lindsay Lohan


I officially fail at life. I truly do. Here’s the story thing: I had a blog for about… a week. I thought I would be awesome and super cool and write a novel through the internet, because that’s what cool people do: they do shit through the internet. So I made a blog and thought, ‘hey this is super-cool. Mark, you’re so awesome.’ I then proceeded to make two posts and leave the poor fucker to rot.

So I fail. If blogs were babies, I would clearly make a horrible father. I would leave them to rot in the street and then when I realized I did that, instead of attempting to save the poor baby, I would run it over with my car and go “Oh well! Time to make another!” Because that’s the kind of fucked-up guy I am. Or maybe I’m just blowing it out of proportion. Like when Lindsay Lohan saw the E-trade babies commercial with the “milkoholic” named Lindsay and immediately went “OH MY GOD THEY USED THE NAME LINDSAY! THEY MUST BE MAKING FUN OF ME BEING A DRUNKEN WHORE! I SHALL SUE THEM!!! RAAAAWRRRR!!!” And proceeded to walk around her apartment naked screaming to her lawyer about it, all while smoking a crack-pipe and drinking whiskey from a sippy cup. Yeah I’m classy like that.

The point of this is: I promise not to let this blog fail and fall into obscurity before being left out in the strip to rot, before I run it over with a truck and delightfully yell, “Time to make another one!”